Sketch Comedy Writing Page 6
One of our students wrote a sketch about someone who is who was mentally impaired and he planned to play the character on stage. As he read the sketch in our Writers’ Room, our advisor pointed out that the mentally impaired character had to win in the end otherwise we were “making fun” not “making a statement”.
Can you make fun of people or classes of people? Absolutely. That is free speech. But do it from a place of awareness, and realize you are making a choice.
There will always be bullies and there will also be people who are bullied. It’s true on the playground, and it’s true in comedy. But there can also be those who tell the difficult stories, not glossing over them, but taking the time to do it responsibly.
EXAMPLES
The formatting for the examples below has been optimized for publishing. It’s also worth noting that most sketches are hybrids, meaning they could fit in several genres. You’ll find examples of some of the types of sketches we mentioned earlier below. You’ll find video examples of some of the sketches as well.
Narrative / Story Sketch
Jesus - The Screw Up
Written By Israel Savage, IN Studios
LIGHTS UP
(Draped chair (with foot-rest) and stool are pre-set on stage.)
INTRO V.O.: - We take you to Ancient Judea. The year… 25. The place… Joseph and Sons Furniture Shop in Jerusalem.
(James and Jesus enter and stand beside their chairs. Jesus frets.)
JESUS: James, You know he already thinks I’m a screw-up.
JAMES: Jesus… Relax Bro’ … at least Mom thinks you’re the “Son of God.”
JESUS: (reacting to James’ good natured teasing) Shut up.
(Joseph and Mary enter. James grabs Jesus and pushes him to the side, taking the position closest to his father.)
JOSEPH: New product unveiling day. My favorite. Boys, we are revolutionaries; revolutionaries of wood. Who’d like to go first?
(James and Jesus look at each other. Jesus nods his head “no” frantically. James steps forward.)
JAMES: It’s still in the prototype phase,
(Unveils creation with flair…)
JAMES (cont’d): It reclines…
(No reaction.)
JOSEPH: What is this “recline” of which you speak?
JAMES: Try it.
(Joseph sits in the chair.)
JAMES (cont’d): …You see? It comes with a block of wood to put your feet on.
(Joseph puts his feet up one at a time. It feels wonderful.
Mary applauds, Joseph is in heaven.)
JOSEPH: Incredible. We’ll call it, “Lazy Oy.” Let’s all go out to celebrate.
MARY: Aren’t you forgetting something?
JOSEPH: Of course, and it’s on me. All the manna you can eat.
MARY: No, you’re forgetting - Jesus.
JESUS: It’s okay. Really, it’s okay.
JOSEPH: Right. (said almost as a curse word) Jesus. Well. Don’t just stand there.
JAMES: Jesus has been working on this night and day. He wouldn’t even let me see it.
JESUS: It’s nothing really.
JOSEPH: Oh well. If it’s nothing…
(Joseph starts to leave. Mary stops him.)
MARY: Now now Joseph… Show us sweetie.
(Jesus attempts to pull the cloth off with excitement and flair, put it’s stuck and he has to awkwardly pull it off.)
JESUS: It’s a backless chair!
JOSEPH: You mean a stool.
(James inspects closer.)
JOSEPH: It’s a wobbly stool.
JAMES: (trying to encourage) It’s a - “rocking stool”… huh? Look at that. WOW.
JOSEPH: (rocking the stool back and forth) Jesus, you were right. This IS nothing. Look at it. I can’t put my family’s name on that.
MARY: He did his best.
JOSEPH: That’s the problem. I had high hopes for you, Jesus.
MARY: Joseph, No!
JOSEPH: I’m sorry Mary, I have a reputation to uphold…
(Joseph crosses while he composes himself.)
JOSEPH: When your mother first told me she was pregnant by - God, a few thoughts ran through my mind.
MARY: Yeah.
JOSEPH: Ya know, I didn’t believe her at first, but then once I realized all the perks it got us at Temple…
MARY: We never had to wait in line and always got a seat.
JOSEPH: I got on board and I had high hopes. I mean, God’s son should be able to craft some fine furniture. I expected you to have the strength of Samson, or the wisdom of Moses or at least be able to throw a ball better than your sisters.
MARY: He’s a sensitive boy, Joseph. He feels things.
JOSEPH I even thought I might be able to retire early to a Villa near Galilee. Especially if the son of God is holding down the fort, right? Wrong. Your design is worthless and so are…
MARY: Joseph!
JOSEPH: I’m handing the business over to James. (delivering the line with a Donald Trump cobra hand strike) And Jesus, you’re fired.
MARY: (Whispering) Joseph, you can’t fire the son of God. Where will he go? What will he do? The boy has no skills.
JOSEPH: I just did.
(JOSEPH exits. Mary follows behind after consoling, Jesus.)
MARY: Don’t worry.
JESUS: I just want to make a difference in people’s lives like father and my brothers.
(Jesus hangs his head, dejected.)
MARY: I’ll talk to him. Hey, I said don’t worry. (consoling) Who’s mama’s little deity? Mama will make it all better. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to clean up a mess, believe me. I’ve turned around worse situations than this.
(Mary smiles to herself then realizes she may be giving away a secret and gets serious and exits. )
(An obviously blind person enters with a cane from audience, groping audience members, asking if this is “Joseph & Sons”.)
JAMES: Don’t sweat it brother. Mom has him wrapped around her little finger.
JESUS: He’s right, I’m not cut out for this. What good is being the “son of God” if you’re not good at anything.
Blind person stumbles into something
JAMES (to Blind Person) Let us know if we can help you find something?
BLIND PERSON: Just looking.
(The blind person uses his hands to feel the different items in the store.)
JAMES: Make a sale. You’ll feel better.
(James exits. Jesus pauses, takes a deep breath.)
JESUS: (considering, then to self) Who am I kidding?
(Jesus exits leaving the blind person on stage who bumps into stool)
BLIND PERSON: I’m looking for a chair. Hello? Anybody there?
(The blind person sits on stool. A wave of energy makes their body shake, then their eyes open wide. Looks around, then stands, dropping cane to the floor.)
BLIND PERSON: It’s a miracle. I’ll take it!
BLACK OUT
Blackouts
Refugees
Written By: Liz Parish, IN Studios
LIGHTS UP
(A courtroom in Canada. Judge is at podium. Couple is nervously waiting on line, huddling together. Woman has a scarf around her head. Both are wearing sunglasses.)
JUDGE WATSON: Next
(Couple steps up to podium.)
JUDGE WATSON: Your reason for applying for political asylum in Canada?
HILARY President Trump, sir.
JUDGE WATSON: Granted! (stamps the paper)
HILARY: (takes off sunglasses) Thank you, thank you so much judge. (reaches out to shake judge’s hand)
JUDGE WATSON: You’re welcome Hillary.
(BILL gives smile and thumbs up to audience.)
BLACKOUT
WATCH REFUGEE HERE
Zombie 1: ZOMBIE GRADUATION
Written By: Mark Hudson, IN Studios
LIGHTS UP
(Zombie standing behind podium - aka Stool)
VO: We take you to a Zombie grad
uation.
(Post Zombie University Sign as enter)
ZARA: ( ZOMBIE VALEDICTORIAN) Go out and live your life…ha ha ha ha
BLACKOUT
Zombie 2: ZOMBIE STAND-UP
Written By: Mark Hudson, IN Studios
LIGHTS UP
(With a mic stand Center Stage)
VO: We take you to a Zombie Comedy Club.
(post Comedy Club sign)
ZUNI SEINFELD: What’s the deal with brains? Am I right?
BLACK OUT
Zombie 3: ZOMBIE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
Written By: Mark Hudson, IN Studios
LIGHTS UP
(The next blackout could be the same two actors as the first two, but the guy is on one knee.)
VO: We now take you to a Zombie Marriage Proposal
(Post Zombie Restaurant Sign)
ZUN:I Me want your hand in marriage?
ZARA: Okay
(She then removes her “Actual” hand and gives it to him)
ZUNI : Me so happy.
(They embrace, ZUNI still on one knee. ZARA begins ferociously eating his brains.)
BLACK OUT
The Extended Blackout
Red Flag #1
Written By: Izzy Wolfson, IN Studios
LIGHTS UP
A Bar.
(SHIRLEY is sitting at the bar. BRUCE, an attractive man enters the room and sees the woman. She catches his gaze and they stare at each other for a long time. He walks over to her with a determined swagger. She is clearly getting hot and bothered.)
(Man enters from SR)
BRUCE: Well hello, there.
SHIRLEY: Hi. I’m Shirley.
BRUCE: (all of a sudden very neurotic) Shirley. Shirley. Shirley. Seven letters. Shirley. S-H-I-R-L-E-Y. (Screams) HER NAME IS SHIRLEY!!!!!!!
SHIRLEY: Red Flag.
(Woman takes a red flag out of her bag and places it right in the man’s face)
BRUCE: Red. Three letters. R-E-D. Flag. Four letters. F-L-A-G. Red Flag. Seven letters, like “Shirley.”
(He eats the red flag.)
BLACKOUT
Red Flag 2
Written By: Izzy Wolfson, IN Studios
LIGHTS UP
An apartment.
(A man is standing in his hallway looking into the mirror. The doorbell rings. He goes to open it. A woman enters. Woman enters from SR)
CELESTE: Are you Tom?
TOM: Yes! And you’re Celeste, right? Eileen’s friend?
CELESTE: I am. It’s really nice to meet you. Wow, you have a wonderful home.
TOM: Well, I’ve worked hard for it. I just wish I had a family to fill it up. All those empty rooms…
CELESTE: (all of a sudden SUPER EXCITED and starting to speak really fast with sentences running together) Oh my god! I’m so glad to hear you say that because I just got checked out by my gynecologist and I’m totally healed from my ovarian cyst so I should totally be good to go in the baby department. Eileen KNEW that we’d hit it right off and here you are practically proposing to me. I can’t believe how compatible we are and I just KNOW that our lives are going to be filled with happiness and prosperity, a big family, three dogs, and Christmases in Fiji…
TOM takes a red flag out of his pocket and hands it to Celeste
TOM: Red Flag.
(TOM inches away from her out the front door, visibly scared.)
TOM: (whispers) Keep the house.
BLACKOUT
Red Flag 3
Written By: Izzy Wolfson, IN Studios
LIGHTS UP
(BRUCE & CELESTE stand 6 feet apart with back to audience. BRUCE turns to reveal a shirt covered in red flags. He looks around, dejected. CELESTE turns, shirt also covered in red flags. Their eyes meet and widen excitedly.
(There is a cute moment that ensues and perhaps “Lady in Red” begins to play and they slow dance.)
SLOW FADE OUT
Short Scenes
Star Wars 1: The Star Wars Legacy Episode 1
Written By: Israel Savage, Scotty Watson, IN Studios
LIGHTS UP
(Three stools are across the stage. Rob and Paula enter. Rob has a box of popcorn in hand. Their shirts have a 1977 kinda feel. Rob wears a backwards baseball hat. Paula is very pregnant. Rob is chuckling to himself. Paula is patient, slightly amused. This movie is not her cup of tea… it’s for him. Rob sits on the far SL stool. Paula in the middle leaving the SR stool empty. )
ROB: Paula… I’m so excited.
PAULA: Yes, yes… I know.
ROB: It’s just… this is my last chance to show this to my son before he’s born.
PAULA: Even if he… OR SHE… can hear it… they don’t understand English yet Rob.
ROB: Ah yes Paula, BUT he’ll imprint on the voices. Then when I show it to Little Rob again in… uh… when do babies eyes start to focus?
PAULA: Month or two.
ROB: Month or two!!?!
PAULA: Maybe more.
ROB: I… I… then when? (points to screen)
PAULA: And why do you insist on referring to the baby as a Little Rob?
ROB: It’s a boy. I just know it. Nerd father; nerd son.
PAULA: You just want a playmate.
ROB: That’s right. It’s going to be a boy and he’s going to love science fiction as much as his old man… I just know it. I’m so excited…
PAULA: Ok… ok… It’s starting.
The Lights dim.
The Star Wars music begins.
ROB: Hold your belly up so he can hear.
(Paula shakes her head and tries to hold her belly up to the screen.)
BLACK OUT
Star Wars 2: The Star Wars Legacy Episode 2
Written By: Israel Savage, Scotty Watson, IN Studios
LIGHTS UP
(Three stools are across the stage. Paula enters. She has 3 boxes of popcorn.)
PAULA: Come on Rob! You guys dragged me here… let’s sit down and watch the movie.
ROB backs on, mid light saber fight with Roberta. Both doing own sound effects. Roberta has 1 piece of recognizable 1999 fashion accessory. We can brainstorm on this.
(Roberta runs Rob through…)
ROB: But Roberta… I… am… your father. (he dies)
ROBERTA: The circle is now complete. Episode 1, The Phantom Menace… I am ready.
PAULA: (less than enthusiastic) Yeah. Me too.
ROB: (suddenly alive again) Me too!
ROBERTA I thought you were dead!
ROB: I’m a new guy!
(A new light-saber battle begins to brew.)
PAULA: Will you two sit down?
(Rob sits on the far SL stool. Roberta in the middle. Paula sits SR.)
PAULA: Here’s your popcorn.
ROBERTA: Thanks Mom.
ROB: Thanks Mo… Paula.
PAULA: Ok now hush down… It’s starting.
(The Lights dim. The Star Wars music begins.)
(We watch them watch for a minute. Rob & Roberta are slowly, more and more horrified at the stink-burger they are watching.)
PAULA: (stage whisper) It’s pretty good.
(Rob & Roberta slowly take to Paula in horror. Paula shrugs her shoulders.)
BLACK OUT
Star Wars 3: The Star Wars Legacy Episode 3
Written By: Israel Savage, Scotty Watson, IN Studios
(Three stools are across the stage.)
(Paula & Roberta enter. Paula has a grey wig and is carrying a box of popcorn. Roberta has her phone in her hand and is very pregnant. Roberta wears a backwards baseball hat (just like her father did)).
PAULA: Did you give me my ticket?
ROBERTA: We have virtual tickets. I just scanned them in.